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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Wet
Dry
Ice
Swim
Getting
Inspirational
Without
Melt
More quotes by Steven Wright
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Steven Wright
I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
Steven Wright
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Steven Wright
I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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