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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Getting
Inspirational
Without
Melt
Wet
Dry
Ice
Swim

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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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