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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Inspirational
Without
Melt
Wet
Dry
Ice
Swim
Getting
More quotes by Steven Wright
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright
I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
Steven Wright
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
