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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Without
Melt
Wet
Dry
Ice
Swim
Getting
Inspirational
More quotes by Steven Wright
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Steven Wright
I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
Steven Wright
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
Steven Wright
I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
Steven Wright
One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
Steven Wright
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
Steven Wright
