Quote

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Getting
Hours
Water
Amphibians
Funny
Hour
Need
Wait
Needs
Eating
Humor
Waiting

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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
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