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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Needs
Eating
Humor
Waiting
Getting
Hours
Water
Amphibians
Funny
Hour
Need
Wait
More quotes by Steven Wright
George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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