Quote

I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Phones
Machines
Signal
Busy
Answering
Somebody
Signals
Hear
Recording
Home
Calls
Phone
Machine

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright