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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Girlfriend
Humor
Funny
Words
White
Write
Misspelled
Doe
Nails
Writing
Asleep

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Steven Wright
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright