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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Girlfriend
Humor
Funny
Words
White
Write
Misspelled
Doe
Nails
Writing
Asleep
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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