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A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Soon
Adages
Fool
Aircraft
Humor
Cliche
Party
Foolishness
Funny
Taxation
Money
Aviation
Airborne
Italian
Partying
Foolish
Helicopters
More quotes by Steven Wright
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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What do batteries run on?
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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