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A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Money
Aviation
Airborne
Italian
Partying
Foolish
Helicopters
Soon
Adages
Fool
Aircraft
Humor
Cliche
Party
Foolishness
Funny
Taxation
More quotes by Steven Wright
I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright
I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Steven Wright
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
Steven Wright
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright
