Quote

The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Across
Vaults
Tried
Hall
Humor
Halls
Funny
Store
Money
Lady
Give
Department
Vault
Everything
Stores
Marking
Giving
Gun
Pricing

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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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