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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Department
Vault
Give
Stores
Marking
Everything
Gun
Pricing
Giving
Across
Vaults
Tried
Hall
Humor
Halls
Store
Funny
Lady
Money
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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