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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Charge
Department
Humor
Call
Funny
Art
Outdoors
Everything
Interior
Interiors
More quotes by Steven Wright
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven Wright
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
Steven Wright
I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Steven Wright
I can't stop thinking like this.
Steven Wright
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
