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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Interiors
Charge
Department
Humor
Call
Funny
Art
Outdoors
Everything
Interior
More quotes by Steven Wright
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
Steven Wright
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
