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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Call
Funny
Art
Outdoors
Everything
Interior
Interiors
Charge
Department
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright
I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright
One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
Steven Wright
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Steven Wright
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright
