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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Within
Everything
Long
Time
Distance
Walking

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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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