Quote

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Waiting
Ten
Hours
Hour
Funny
Wait
Took
Humor
Minutes
Courses
Course
Speed

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
Steven Wright
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Steven Wright
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Steven Wright
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
Steven Wright