Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Took
Humor
Minutes
Courses
Course
Speed
Waiting
Ten
Hours
Hour
Funny
Wait
More quotes by Steven Wright
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Steven Wright
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
Steven Wright
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
Steven Wright
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Steven Wright
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
