Quote

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Wait
Took
Humor
Minutes
Courses
Course
Speed
Waiting
Ten
Hours
Hour

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
Image
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
Image
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
Image
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Steven Wright
Image
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Steven Wright
Image
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright
Image
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Steven Wright
Image
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
Image
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
Image
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
Image
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
Image
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
Image
I had my coat hangers spayed.
Steven Wright
Image
I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
Steven Wright
Image
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
Image
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Steven Wright
Image
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright
Image
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Steven Wright
Image
I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright