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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Wait
Took
Humor
Minutes
Courses
Course
Speed
Waiting
Ten
Hours
Hour
More quotes by Steven Wright
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Steven Wright
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Steven Wright
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Steven Wright
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Steven Wright
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
Steven Wright
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright
