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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Baby
Funny
Stills
Still
Need
Pisses
Needs
Babies
Vacation
Beach
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright
