Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Would
Food
Table
Buffet
Think
Went
Tables
Buffets
Thinking
Lasts
Shape
Restaurant
Like
Last
Cooking
Culinary
Bigs
Shapes
Board
Moving
Kindness
Boards
Night
Across
Floor
Kind
Move
Restaurants
Ouija
More quotes by Steven Wright
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Steven Wright
What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright
Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
Steven Wright
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Steven Wright
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Steven Wright
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
Steven Wright
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright