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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Would
Food
Table
Buffet
Think
Went
Tables
Buffets
Thinking
Lasts
Shape
Restaurant
Like
Last
Cooking
Culinary
Bigs
Shapes
Board
Moving
Kindness
Boards
Night
Across
Floor
Kind
Move
Restaurants
Ouija
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I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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