Quote

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Streets
Friend
Acupuncture
Humor
Voodoo
Justice
Street
Funny
Mines
Better
Mine
Much
Friendship
Walking

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
Steven Wright
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven Wright
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
Steven Wright