Quote

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Good
Humor
Says
Year
Walkie
Funny
Talkie
Next
Talkies
Give
Aunt
Giving
Birthday
Years
Gave

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
Image
Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
Steven Wright
Image
If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
Image
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
Image
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Steven Wright
Image
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
Image
Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
Image
I took a baby shower.
Steven Wright
Image
Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
Steven Wright
Image
I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
Steven Wright
Image
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
Image
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
Image
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
Image
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
Image
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
Image
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
Image
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
Steven Wright
Image
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
Image
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
Image
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Steven Wright