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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Says
Year
Walkie
Funny
Talkie
Next
Talkies
Give
Aunt
Giving
Birthday
Years
Gave
Good
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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