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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Result
Results
Universe
Dividing
Black
Zero
Holes
Mathematical
Math
Mathematics

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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