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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Mathematics
Result
Results
Universe
Dividing
Black
Zero
Holes
Mathematical
Math

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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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