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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Addicted
Quit
Quitting
Wouldn
Matter
Placebo

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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