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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Quitting
Wouldn
Matter
Placebo
Addicted
Quit

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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