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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Addicted
Quit
Quitting
Wouldn
Matter
Placebo

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Steven Wright
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Steven Wright