Quote

Day One: Still tired from the move.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Tired
Move
Moving
Stills
Still

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
Steven Wright
Image
I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright
Image
The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
Image
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright
Image
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
Image
I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
Image
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
Image
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
Image
I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
Image
I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
Image
In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
Steven Wright
Image
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
Steven Wright
Image
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Steven Wright
Image
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright
Image
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
Image
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
Image
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
Steven Wright
Image
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
Image
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
Steven Wright
Image
I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
Steven Wright