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Day One: Still tired from the move.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Still
Tired
Move
Moving
Stills

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
Steven Wright
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
Steven Wright
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
Steven Wright
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Steven Wright
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
Steven Wright
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright