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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Good
Sarcastic
Hurts
Parts
Conscience
Hurt
Feel
Feels
More quotes by Steven Wright
Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Steven Wright
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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