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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Passings
Passing
Honor
Anyone
Right
Lane
Mind
Lanes
Would
Park
Parks

More quotes by Steven Wright

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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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