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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Lane
Right
Lanes
Mind
Park
Would
Parks
Passings
Passing
Honor
Anyone
More quotes by Steven Wright
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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