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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Snakes
Afraid
Humor
Funny
Even

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
Steven Wright
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright