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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Even
Snakes
Afraid
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
Steven Wright
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
Steven Wright
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
Steven Wright
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
Steven Wright
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
Steven Wright
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright