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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
States
Equals
Maps
Originals
Original
Miles
Size
Says
United
Mile
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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