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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Size
Says
United
Mile
States
Equals
Maps
Originals
Original
Miles

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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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What a nice night for an evening.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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