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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Procrastinator
Eight
Mark
Friendship
Birth
Friend
Didn
Years
Winnie

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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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