Quote

I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Science
Lights
Night
Drive
Else
Standing
Light
Instead
Stills
Changed
Still
Technology
Looks
Funny
Strobe
Like
Everyone
Headlights

More quotes by Steven Wright

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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
Steven Wright
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright