Quote

I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Night
Drive
Else
Standing
Light
Instead
Stills
Changed
Still
Technology
Looks
Funny
Strobe
Like
Everyone
Headlights
Science
Lights

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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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