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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Naked
Band

More quotes by Steven Wright

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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I took a baby shower.
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
Steven Wright
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright