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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Band
Naked

More quotes by Steven Wright

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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright