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Do you have any toy train schedules?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Schedules
Toys
Train

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
Steven Wright
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
Steven Wright
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
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What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
Steven Wright
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright