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Do you have any toy train schedules?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Schedules
Toys
Train

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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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