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Do you have any toy train schedules?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Toys
Train
Schedules

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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