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Do you have any toy train schedules?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Schedules
Toys
Train

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Steven Wright
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
Steven Wright
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Steven Wright
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
Steven Wright
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
Steven Wright
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
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I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
Steven Wright