Quote

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
House
Scare
Tell
Lifts
Kids
Neighborhood
Made
Woods
Throw
Yard
Humor
Yards
Head
Wood
Funny
Lift

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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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