Quote

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Lift
House
Scare
Tell
Lifts
Kids
Neighborhood
Made
Woods
Throw
Yard
Humor
Yards
Head
Wood

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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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