Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Back
Entire
Areas
Car
Missing
Tow
Humor
Parked
Came
Area
Funny
Zone
Away
Yesterday
More quotes by Steven Wright
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
Steven Wright
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
Steven Wright
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
Steven Wright
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Steven Wright
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright
Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
Steven Wright
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Steven Wright
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
Steven Wright
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright