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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Missing
Tow
Humor
Parked
Came
Area
Funny
Zone
Away
Yesterday
Back
Entire
Areas
Car

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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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