Quote

I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Photograph
Picture
Houdini
Keys
Locking
Car
Norman
Child
Collect
Two
Beating
Children
Photographs
Rare

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
The sky already fell. Now what?
Steven Wright
Image
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
Image
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
Image
They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
Steven Wright
Image
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Steven Wright
Image
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Steven Wright
Image
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
Steven Wright
Image
I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright
Image
The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
Steven Wright
Image
I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
Steven Wright
Image
Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
Image
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
Steven Wright
Image
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
Steven Wright
Image
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Steven Wright
Image
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Steven Wright
Image
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
Steven Wright
Image
I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
Steven Wright
Image
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
Image
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Steven Wright