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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Rare
Photograph
Picture
Houdini
Keys
Locking
Car
Norman
Child
Collect
Two
Beating
Children
Photographs

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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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