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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Two
Beating
Children
Photographs
Rare
Photograph
Picture
Houdini
Keys
Locking
Car
Norman
Child
Collect
More quotes by Steven Wright
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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