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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Picture
Houdini
Keys
Locking
Car
Norman
Child
Collect
Two
Beating
Children
Photographs
Rare
Photograph
More quotes by Steven Wright
I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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