Quote

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Music
Wrote
Might
Radio
Every
Listening
Think
Humor
Thinking
Written
Read
Funny
Song

More quotes by Steven Wright

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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Steven Wright